This Is My Highlight Reel

Everything you’ve seen of me (unless you’re family), everything I’ve posted up until now; those are the pretty, functional, shareable moments.

But I made a decision that, when I decided to start sharing the things I struggle with, I would be honest. Even if it’s ugly.

I want to do this because I’m sick of feeding into the “my life is always perfect” standard guide for what we put on social media.

So here it is, the “behind the scenes” of my highlight reel.

I might as well start with the one that is hardest for me to share.

I’m not skinny anymore. It’s easy to feel like everyone is in shape but you. Everyone shares when they lose the weight, but unless they’re a bodybuilder, they’re not sharing when they put it back on. Not many people are super excited to share a backwards transformation. Well here’s mine.

Before I married my husband, I worked so hard to get in shape. Now, here I am, two years and a baby later, and all-capital-letters STRUGGLING to lose the last twenty pounds. Everyone told me that after having the baby, the weight would melt off. Mine started melting and got stuck at my hips.

Here it is in all its glory. The reverse transformation.

Sometimes I burn dinner. Every time I’ve ever shared a picture of the dinner I made my husband, it was picture perfect.

I didn’t share the time I burnt chicken so bad that we had to open three windows, turn on all the fans, and almost go to the doctor for a prescription inhaler.

I didn’t share the time that I made him a healthy fruit pizza that he gagged on and said “please don’t ever make this again.”

And I definitely am not cropping, filtering, and posting a picture of the frozen pizza I made him because I don’t have time to cook an actual lunch today.

My marriage isn’t perfect. I’m a huge fan of public love; of sharing all the ways your partner is amazing to you and how life is all gravy and taters. I am guilty of posting that fairly often. Because I love that man. Honest, I do. But that’s not entirely real life.

But that’s what you post, because it’s not acceptable to share the gory details of the hard parts; The hours spent talking, arguing, and trying to figure out how to do marriage better. The fights where you have to finally agree to compromise, because you just can’t understand where the other person is coming from. How every morning you wake up and choose to do better. How your vows don’t come true by saying them at the altar but by practicing them in the home. And its not easy all the time for anyone.

My house is rarely spotless. Has anyone ever furiously tidied their house before someone has come over and then when they arrived said “Oh, excuse the mess I need to clean.” Because, guilty.

If you came to my house right now, you’d find a bunch of toys on the floor of the living room, a pile of laundry in the bedroom, and a couple of dishes in the sink. Even though I make it a habit of cleaning each room every single day, it still looks like we live here. Which isn’t weird or bad, and doesn’t make me a subpar wife, because we do actually LIVE HERE.

I’m not a superstar at motherhood. I have no clue what I’m doing most of the time. I’m running on instincts and coffee.

I mess up a lot. Sometimes my son eats chicken and veggies for dinner, and other times he has a quesadilla because I am out of groceries and don’t have the energy to tackle a Walmart run. Sometimes he’s happy all day long, and sometimes he cries and I can’t fix it, so I just cry too. Sometimes the bedtime routine is a bath, a book, and bed, and sometimes it’s the couch and tv until he falls asleep.

My highlight reel is exactly that; a highlight reel.

If you’ve ever compared your life to mine, you deserve to know that it’s not always green grass and sunflowers. Sometimes it’s mud patches and cow pies.

I choose to love all of it. The messy, the ugly, the imperfect.

I won’t change it for likes and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.