This weekend, celebrating memorial day with our little clan. I was reminded again of how devastating it can be to compare ourselves to others.

My oldest struggling with this very thing this weekend crying about how she feels less than compared to her school peers.

This was heart breaking 💔.  A lesson I not only have had to learn in the past but continually re-learning.

When I was much younger feeling outcast amount my peers for not playing sports or having fancy name brand clothing.  It hurts, and seeds the hunger to belong.

We all play this game deciding what or it we will change for the possibility of being apart of a group. Are we willing to buy the trend. Wear the clothes or hair styles whatever gets us that feeling of belonging.

Not sure if it will work…even as an adult we are still doing it in different ways. As adults the efforts go way up. Cars and houses.

I was truly humbled with my daughter’s struggle of belonging making me reflect on my own.

How was am I modeling that joy is a choice?

When we choose to compare ourselves or change ourselves we are opening the door for our joy to be stolen. No more are we happy with what we have…we need more.

Now, don’t get me wrong I love a bigger house or a newer car (one in this decade). Will it truly help me feel belonging ? Or is it an illusion?

Even as a therapist I have been asked these similar questions many times. I don’t have the answers.  However, I continually try to work towards joy with what we have in our lives. With my daughter’s struggles I continually support her to look within and find value in herself first before seeking out other ways to find belonging.

To those who are struggling …

You are enough.